Demonizing the Familiar, Not the Responsible

Every four years, we’re handed two options for president. Maybe you lean toward one, maybe you’re unsure, maybe you’re holding your nose as you cast your vote. Either way, you probably don’t see either candidate as a full reflection of your actual beliefs. Most people don’t.

My dad has a joke about this: voting in America is like choosing your dinner at a wedding — chicken or fish. If you wanted beef, too bad. If you’re vegetarian, double too bad. Maybe you scrape the veggies off the fish and call it a meal. It’s not great, but it’s the best you can do.

Funny how we never got to choose the menu, but still get blamed for the meal.

But here’s the problem: while the menu stays limited, the pressure to pick a side keeps growing. Not just in the voting booth — in our homes, at our dinner tables, in our friendships. And that pressure has consequences.

🧍‍♂️ The Proxy Problem

Think about it: when the country makes a decision we don’t like, we rarely storm the Capitol or call our senator. We get mad at each other. Why?

Because the people around us are the closest proxy we have for the ones actually in power. We can’t yell at Congress, but we can yell at our cousin. We can’t debate the president, but we can block that friend on Instagram. It’s easier to blame the person across the table than the system that gave us such limited choices in the first place.

And yet — what control do any of us really have? Once the vote is cast, it’s over. The policies, the decisions, the outcomes — they’re out of our hands. But somehow, we hold individual voters more accountable than the politicians themselves.

🍽 Chicken, Fish... or Neither?

Let’s say you agree with 25% of one platform, but you feel good about the person representing it. On the other hand, you agree with 60% of another platform, but you don’t trust the person leading it. What do you do?

Who would you choose? And why is the other option demonized?

Some people vote for the person. Others vote for the platform. There’s no perfect answer — and yet we treat it like a moral failing when someone chooses differently than we would.

We forget that everyone’s choice is a compromise. Everyone’s plate is missing something. So why are we vilifying people for picking the best bad option they had?

💔 When Politics Hurts People

We’re starting to feel the effects of this — not just on Twitter, but in our lives. I’ve seen it happen. You probably have too.

Recently, someone I barely knew came up to me after seeing a post I shared about political polarization. He said it really resonated with him, that it felt like something we needed more of: honest conversations, without the anger. That stuck with me.

And then, the following night, I had a conversation with someone else who demanded that we agree on a specific issue overseas — as if my personal agreement would change the outcome of a war halfway around the world. It wouldn’t. But what it could change is the dynamic between us. The mood in the room. The comfort in our relationship. That’s real.

When we make politics the filter through which we evaluate our friends, partners, or family, we risk throwing away something real for the illusion of control over something far away. It’s not worth it.

🥀 What Are We Really Fighting For?

Let’s say you argue with someone you love. You go back and forth for hours, desperate to win them over. Eventually, they give in. They say, “Okay. You’re right.” You feel victorious.

But nothing has changed.

The war didn’t end. The law didn’t pass. The politician didn’t hear you. You won the argument — and possibly lost the relationship.

Activism matters. But let’s direct that energy where it can actually make a difference: toward the people in power, not the people we care about. Because the ones closest to us aren’t the problem — and treating them like they are only deepens the divide.

🌍 Final Thought

Politics shouldn’t destroy families. It shouldn’t break up friend groups or end marriages. Especially when the actual outcomes — the real policies, the wars, the laws — are so far beyond our personal control.

So why are we demonizing each other?

If you and I disagree about something happening across the globe, that doesn’t mean we can’t treat each other with kindness, patience, and respect. Those values — the ones we show in our daily lives — should matter more than abstract agreement on faraway conflicts.

In a world of chicken or fish, let’s remember that most of us are just trying to make the best choice we can. And maybe that deserves a little more understanding.